Jun 13, 2008

Funny Feeling...

Recently,my assignments are piling up on my table and each time it gets hard still to manage and to get my lecturer's approval on my work.Aikz..life's been tough..

Also, recently i went into a deep state of health concern.It all started with my unusual sorethroat and ulcers.The usual sorethroat i have would be of those situated near my thonsers,please excuse my wrong spelling of that word,do not have much knowledge on that,but this time the sore happens at night and in the middle of my throat.

For the past few days that freaking pain is roaming around my throat,from the middle section to the right then to the left and finally my whole throat.However pain only occurs when i'm swallowing my saliva,which is funny because the usual sorethroat would prevent me from even taking in food and water.

I went to the nearby clinic to have a check-up and to my astonishment,the doctor mentioned that my thonsers are quite red and he said that my sorethroat might be due to virus infection.I took the medicine home and started taking it on regular basis,just like what the doctor told me to.It never really helped with the sorethroat.

I panicked.My ulcers are less painful as days go by,however the sign of recovery seems unclear.I used all kinds of medicine on it but only the pain subsided and not the scaring.Only a week or so later,which is this few days,my ulcers begun to subside.Thank God!!

Aside from that,I was kinda in a very depressing mood for the past few days.It kinda lifted alittle when my throat begun to feel better.I don't know what is making me feel this way but it really bugs me.Because with that hanging over me,I can't seem to concerntrate on anything.What's more I am losing appetite for food!I hate this feeling but the more I fight against it the more resistence it seems to have on me.

It was then i started to get hallucinations that I might be having some really serious illness and might fall dead anytime.I told my mum and a few friends about it and their answers were identical.'You are stressed out with assignments and you are thinking too much!'That really did help me change my feeling towards my feelings.

However today my feelings is once again tested when i weight-ed my side on the scales earlier this morning.I lost 1 kg overnight,how is that possible?Then a perfect morning i thought it would be was spoilt by this really unpleasant feeling.DAMN!!I really want to straighten up myself and face the world ASAP and not being pulled down by this desprate feeling.There are chores to be done and assignments to rush.Around 11am i can't stand the feeling and i weight-ed myself on scales again and this time the results are unclear.73kg at first but then i weight-ed again 74kg.I am thinking is my mind playing a game on me or is the scales going haywire?

So i decided to take a chinese med. pill to calm myself down.That would be the terrible effect of depression on one's life and i am not going to let it do that again.Never Ever!

May 16, 2008

A Step closer to Adulthood..

16th May.
Today is the day when my skills are being put into a test that will affect my life..*abit too dramatic don't u think?* Because today i will be taking my Driving Test!!!

Yes,DRIVING test!!haha..i was so anxious to get a license that i have been spending sleepless night just thinking of what might happen if i really flunk that test,well the logical way would be to re-sit it but then i really don't have the time to do so cause most of my time now is devoted to my course and also housework.

So i slept at 9pm on 15th,abit too early for me,i would say,and i spent a dreamless night which is really nice cause i usually be awakened by my dreams easily.However,i woke up at 4am.Why?Because i felt that my handphone vibrated during the night but i was just too tired to be even bother to check what or who messaged me.It turns out that my instincts were right!My Moral lecturer texted me informing me that 16th, which is today,there will be a replacement class for Moral as she will not be around from the start of next week.I drafted a text to be send to her later on in the morning then went back to sleep.It wasn't about 7am in the morning i was woke up by the knock on my door.

My driving instructor came around 7.30am to pick me up along with 2 other pupils of his to the circuit where we will be taking our test.We queued up to get our numbers.i was given the number 64.We later proceeded to the waiting area to wait for our numbers to be announced to go for the circuit test.About 30 minutes later,63,64 and 68 were called,we followed a few more others to the pondok,where the cars are being parked.We were actually debating on which car would bring us luck but in the end we each settled for a car that was parked just in front of us.i was the second up the hill after the boy and the girl was behind me.In my mind, i was thinking,"please let me pass,PLEASE let me PASS!!" along with chants of prayer to
God.i was actually shivering when i reached the top where the front tyres should meet with the yellow lines.I braked when i saw the pole and raised my hand.The officer at the stand was smiling away and asked me carried on with my reverse-parking and tri-point turn.The parking was fine but at the tri-point turn section, i was panicking.I turned into the junction and just when i was suppose to be out from that place,my car would not budge.i was thinking, "Please!God help me!!i don't want to fail!!" and miraculousy when i tried to re-enter the gear to reverse,it worked!i came out from the tri-point section smoothly after that and parked next to the pondok where the next candidate took the car for another round.

The boy before me did really good,unfortunately,the girl that was behind me did not pass the hill test and was therefore asked to leave the circuit along with her documents for the stamping part at the waiting area.We later waited for about 3 hours or so for the on-road test.By the time our numbers were called,only the boy managed to drive around the road before lunch break whereas the girl and me will take the test straight after the lunch break.So we waited for another 1 hour for the lunch break to end.i was called first and broaded the number 14 car.It was a Chinese officer unlike the other cars which mostly consist of Malay officers.He was stern and was silent throughout the journey but he kinda lectured me when i ran past the traffic lights.But nevertheless it was smooth all the way.He awarded me 17/20 which means i PASSED!!!Yipe!!He deducted marks for not putting on the signals early and other 2 more reasons which i forgotten.Later my instructor told me that the officer that examined me was really strict and is always the one that will never give you a chance to go throught the shortcuts.In my mind,i was thinking i should be grateful for being able to pass under the supervision of this officer.

I waited for the girl to complete the test and then we headed home.My instructor informed me that i will be receiving my "P" license in Thursday,can't wait to get on the road already.Hahaha.

For me,getting a license or even a "P" is another step closer to Adulthood already and i am satisfy with myself.



PS:i have been really busy and did not update my blog often.Not to mention the story that i promised about my NS life.Sorry but i will do it as soon as possible..

Apr 13, 2008

New Life!!

nothing much have changed since my last post, excpet that i am currently attending college at Raffles Design Insitute and that the assignments are really killing me..i am kind of confused on what is my current mood actually. i rarely feel happy now,no idea why though. Maybe it is because of my new sedechule or..maybe i still can't get over the fact that i am already free from National Service and that i seriously miss my buddies there..


but my new Life is starting and the Past are either meant to be cherished or forgotten,i presume i will cherish the good times and forget the bad times...
so my shoutout for now is:


"NEW LIFE AHEAD!"
.EMBRACE IT AND FACE ITS CHALLENGES.


kinda retarded lar but that should do the trick. :D
PS: if i have the time, which i really hope i do, i will be posting stories of my life in National Service. It will be in Chapter form so it is kinda like a novel lar..i do really hope i be able to get the first chapter up latest by the end of next week...

Mar 27, 2008

Nostalgic : National Service

I feel alone in this big and dimly-lit room with only the light from the lamp on the wooden side table. Though this was the room that I unwillingly parted with, but because of the damn piece of paper that was sent to me.

*~*

70 days, it was spent in a training camp near the city of Ayer Keroh in Malacca. I remember that I used to dread every minute in there. However I am not alone. I still have my wacky, yet, caring roommates to pour my woes to, if I am feeling particularly down or moody.

As I started to recall all those happy memories, my heart aches of the pain that I have
been enduring for the past fortnight…


Remembering vividly when I was taken ill in camp, all of you were concerned of the state of my health and urged me to go to the Medical Centre, eventhough all of us knew that the staff there were heartless towards us trainees, for a checkup. As I sat there inside of the Medical Centre, I knew that all of you were by my side, though not physically but mentally, supporting me. I re-emerged from the Medical Centre to find that most of you have left but still one waited. We rushed back, as fast as we could, to our dormitory and get changed for marching.

Not forgetting that when I was crying on the doorstep of our dormitory, you were there by my side. Passersby laughed at my weaken spirit but you did not. You stood by me and offer me words of comfort, easing the pain of my serious homesick.

There were also times when we would splash water to each other while taking a shower in the bathroom through the top of the cubicle. Being playful, I would also took away your pants and towel until you came yelling for it. Those were the good times.


Of all the good times, there was once when I argued with you.

It was shortly after the rehearsal of the Dikir Barat performance. I was angry because you had not waited for me in the Hall and left for the dormitory early. The moment I came back in the dormitory I confronted you about it. You said that you did not see me signaling you to wait for me. I, however, stood my grounds and stated that I clearly signaled you and your head was turning towards the stage, the location that I was having the rehearsals. The atmosphere was really tense. We ended up not speaking to each other as I accused you of not caring about our friendship and all. I was a stubborn ox and did not want to listen to your explanations. I thought that our friendship would end just like that, what with a few days left till we go our separate ways in life. Fortunately, during that night’s roll call, I confronted you again and our conversation was overheard by another. He told me that you left the Hall with him. You also told me that during the rehearsal, you were not paying attention to me but to someone else on the stage, who is doing funny acts throughout the rehearsal. As I cooled down and thought carefully. It could be true that you are not paying attention to me but that does not explain why when I signaled and you nodded. What we concluded was that my eyesight is getting worst and not seeing things properly.

*~*

With the duration of our training coming to an end, we eagerly talked about life after National Service. In the midst of all these, I felt slightly discouraged at the thought of leaving all of you and embrace the freedom outside the guarded walls. Although the temptation of leaving this torturing place was great, I still feel that the bond we had will weaken once we set foot out into the freedom we longed. Living in totally different places makes me feel that even organizing an annual gathering, for us, would have been hard and troublesome .

That day finally came. We were about to leave this place forever and going to different paths of life. I felt singled out from the enthusiasm that all of you were having upon reaching your home sweet homes. It was not that I did not miss my family, friends and my home dearly but the thought of losing contact with all of you tormented me.

Eventually we all left the camp at different times. For a fortnight I have been sms-ing and calling a few of you just to stay in contact. At first all of you replied my messages and answered my call. As time goes by those messages did not return and the calls went unanswered. I told myself that you all are probably busy with college applications and other important stuff.
*~*

There are times when I would just lay in bed and think about the good times we have been through together in that dreaded place, I once called ‘home’. Tears would usually follow.

The loneliness that I am going through now is unlike the homesick feeling that I have been through in camp. This is the painful feeling of emptiness.


However I would like to thank You for painting a whole new chapter so wonderfully in my life.
I will never forget You, Roommies of Dorm 37, Kumpulan 1 Siri 5/2008,
Kem Hutan Rekreasi Ayer Keroh, Melaka…


<<-Piong, Gerald, ET, Kiong & CK- <<<>>>-Dorm 37's Captain, Ah Kiat- >>

Feb 6, 2008

Journey: 38 days ago...

It’s been 38 days since i last…

…pressed my fingers on the keyboard of a computer.
…saw my cosy bedroom.
…felt the ever-familiar atmosphere that circulates around me.

38 days ago i was…

…in Kem Hutan Rekreasi Ayer Keroh, Malacca left another mark in my life.
…undergoing Character Building Classes,Physical Training,Physical Module.
…meeting new friends.

38 days,in the camp was marked with grief,happiness,eagerness,nervousness,curiosity and many more feelings that i cannot even describe through pen and paper.

A totally new environment, new social circle,new activities and extra special events filled my days in my 1 month and 1 week of training in Kem Hutan Rekreasi Ayer Keroh, Malacca.There was the meeting of new friends,knowing coaches,recognizing rules and familiarizing with the new surrounding.

To start this post with i will firstly introduce my, friendly,charming,adorable,‘chun’ and ever-awesome,Roomies of Room 37:

-E.T. [the self-proclaimed ‘Alien’ from the planet, Jupiter]
-Ah. Jun [better known as C.K. aka Calvin Klein *snickers*]
-Kiat [our big ‘brother’ in room 37]
-Gerald [the Joker, Narcissist of room 37]
-Piong [Jay Chou’s fan!!]
-‘Yao Ming’ [the tallest guy in the camp]

…they were the ones, who, brightens my days in the fenced-up surrounding.They cracked jokes anywhere, concern about my health, and lend me a helping hand when i needed it…

The Coaches there were really friendly and nice to us but, mind you, they can be really serious when there is thing to be done or during training sessions.Not to mention our Big ‘Daddy’ of the camp, our beloved Commander of our camp.

The foods there were terrible and unbearable but what to do?What they serve you have to eat or,else,go hungry for the whole day and black-out during marching or assemblies.

Overall the 38 days that i have spent there was really ‘chuned’ but i will be enjoying the 5 days of precious holidays for the Chinese New Year at home.

Last,but not least,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!

Nov 24, 2007

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.
NO MORE HISTORY!!!!
NO MORE FREAKIN' HARD FACTS!!!
NO MORE HEAD-CRACKIN DIAGRAMS!!
NO MORE MEMORISING VALUES!!!


but there are still certain facts that i still need to remember to ace my 3 other subjects, namely Economic Studies,Principle Accounting and Chinese...

There is still one more subjects though, Art, need to remember anything??