Here i am trying to blog something, when tears are just flowing down my eyes. It has been like this for the past three days. First i was diagnosed with a swelling tonsils hence an outburst of fever and cold shivers, secondly i was left literally idea-less.
All of a sudden, it seems that my ideas went down the drain and was flushed out into the sea or tossed into the open air. i was left with literally no inspirations or motivation to keep moving on. Eventhough i forced myself to work on something but i don't feel the passion for it nor do i feel a piece of artwork has life in it, as quoted from Apurva, whom constantly reminds me that my artwork back then, in Raffles, is filled with passion and a certain interest in it that kept others captivated.
Was it because i came to SG that made me lost all inspirations? or was it something else that is pondering me? i don't know. Honestly, i feel that i suddenly lost the ability to think for myself and to feel the interest that usually make me excited anymore.
i realized that i break down very easily nowadays, be it Assignment-wise or Relation-wise. Not to mention that i have many First in SG, those things that i told myself i would never ever do, i suddenly find myself in it and, awkwardly, feeling nice about it. Also, i suddenly crave the company of my Raffles classmates alot! i would remember the times when we would just randomly scream at each other's face for fun or the infamous hangout place, the canteen. :) those are good times.
i know i haven't been able to update much on my SG life, but it is and will be, i believe an exciting journey, that is awaiting me.
Something to add on, i also crave something else, the feeling of being loved and appreciated. i often feel that i m the one giving and not receiving anything in return, well if u are in love u cant really say if u are in a give and take situation, it is really wrong to say that because it will hurt ur partner, but seriously i do feel that i m in need of some pamper and love that i wasn't given. For my past relationships, i feel that i have been the one giving and giving till an extend that i can't even have my own time and what's more, a sense of my own self. argh..
Well, it's all in the past now, i need to learn to live with new things and embrace new environment. i told myself before that i will make a stand in SG maybe the ground is already hard but i will find some way to crack it and make a hole in it. A hole would be fine.
i should stay together for the sake of my grades and assessments.
